


Billie and Thea’s Bogus Vlog

by HeartsInJeopardy



Category: Bill & Ted (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Music Reviews, Non-Binary Billie, Post Movie(S), vlog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:07:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26269243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeartsInJeopardy/pseuds/HeartsInJeopardy
Summary: “We love connecting with all of you at open mic nights. Or our shows at bowling alleys and independent book stores across the greater San Dimas area,” Thea told the camera. “But through the most impressive connectivity of the internet, we hope to reach dozens or possibly hundreds of new fans.”
Comments: 10
Kudos: 36





	Billie and Thea’s Bogus Vlog

**Author's Note:**

> I was dealing with writer's block on a bunch of other projects, so this story was my excuse to _finish_ something fun and silly.
> 
> It revisits Billie and Thea after _Face the Music_ and asks, "What if their careers fizzled out like Bill & Ted?"
> 
> Billie is non-binary to reflect the casting.

The camera switched on so close to Billie’s face that one of their brown eyes filled the screen, fluttering in surprise. They quickly spun the camera around, catching Thea with an anxious grimace before it turned into a slightly-less-anxious smile.

“Ready, T?” Billie asked from behind the camera.

“Ready, B!” Thea replied, seeming to gather more confidence. “I’m Theadora ‘Thea’ S. Preston, Esquire.”

“And I’m…” The camera wobbled slightly as Billie fretted over whether to turn it around or not. “Here, Thea, you take this.”

“Dude,” Thea whispered, “that’s what we got the tripod for.”

“Oh right, my bad.”

The camera’s view shook and there was a clattering noise as Billie slid it onto the tripod. It tilted up from the garage floor, bringing Billie and Thea back into frame wearing nervous expressions.

As Billie zoomed out, showing more of the shelves full of records lining the wall behind them, they both broke into smiles and settled back in their chairs.

“And I’m Willhelmina ‘Billie’ Logan,” they continued with a wave at the camera. “Together we’re the EDM duo Preston/Logan.”

“You may recognize us from the bodacious concert that totally saved the world,” Thea said with a wry smile.

“Or our set at Coachella,” Billie chimed in.

“But since then, we’ve seen tons of articles and news stories asking, ‘Where have they gone?’”

Billie scoffed and gestured around them. “Like, we’re right here.”

“In San Dimas,” Thea explained. “In our respective parents’ garages, still trying to get our musical career off the ground.”

“Because although we had some early success following the global publicity of our universe-saving debut song…” Billie trailed off and shared a disappointed look with Thea.

“It’s a journey,” Thea assured them.

“At times a bogus one.” Both cousins nodded solemnly before Billie perked up and clapped their hands together. “So, between gigs we’ve been exploring alternate avenues to share our musical knowledge with the world.”

“Including this show: Facing the Music with Billie and Thea!”

They both strummed the air with beaming grins, leaving space for the wicked guitar licks that Thea would edit in later.

“This is our space to share musical history, opinions, news and reviews with our growing fan base,” said Billie.

“We love connecting with all of you at open mic nights. Or our shows at bowling alleys and independent book stores across the greater San Dimas area,” Thea told the camera. “But through the most impressive connectivity of the internet, we hope to reach dozens or possibly hundreds of new fans.”

“And we have a very special treat for the inaugural episode of our show.”

The cousins traded smiles and slapped their hands on their knees for a makeshift drumroll.

Billie put on a booming announcer voice and called out, “Pree-senting our very first guests. The Great Ones. The musical saviors of the universe. Two thirds of the ground-breaking Wyld Stallyns-”

“And our dads!” Thea added.

“ _Bill and Ted!_ ” They shouted together.

Thea leaned forward quickly and flicked the camera’s scrolling zoom wheel. The view pulled out further, revealing Bill and Ted sitting off to one side with polite smiles. They both waved to the camera, then at Billie and Thea.

“Most gracious of you dudes to include us,” Bill said with a slight bow of his head.

“It’s a total honor,” Ted agreed. “I think I speak for both of us when I say we’re majorly stoked to see you branching into a new stage of your careers.”

“Co-signed, underscored and heartily agreed,” Bill said with a nod. “You know, we started our careers making videos in _my dad_ ’s garage back in high school.”

Ted snickered and nudged Bill with his elbow. “That was back when Missy was still your stepmom and not our sister-in-law.”

“ _Shut up, Ted!_ ” Bill, Billie and Thea hissed in unison.

“Well anyway,” Ted continued facing Billie, “how many views have you dudes racked up already?”

The cousins exchanged sheepish looks before turning back to their dads. “None, Uncle Ted,” explained Thea. “This is our first episode and it’s not even uploaded yet.”

Bill and Ted raised their eyebrows simultaneously and glanced at each other, obviously sharing the same thought.

“Ted,” Bill said giddily, “we are totally getting in on the ground floor of this new venture.” They high fived each other and turned back to their kids with cheerful smiles.

Billie swiveled toward the camera and said, “One of our hopes for this show is that we can introduce our fans to the glorious musicians that inspire us. So in that spirit, we each have an album recommendation.”

Thea held up a record sleeve with Grom posed stoically behind her drum kit on the cover. “My pick this week is _The Grooves of Grom_ , the debut album from mankind’s debut musician.”

“Talk about an artist ahead of her time,” Ted chimed in approvingly.

“I will admit this is not the sort of album you can listen through in one sitting,” said Thea. “But no living musicians can make a four-hour drum solo as vibrant and rich as Grom.”

“Well said dude,” Bill whispered as he stretched across the set to fist bump Thea.

Billie pulled out a record with psychedelic purple and green waves spanning out from a guitar playing figure. “My pick is Jimi Hendrix’s newest release, _Greatest Hits from the Future_. Usually, cover albums are totally bogus. But this one puts some excellent twists from a master guitarist on modern classics.”

Thea held up a finger to the camera, “ _Plus_ , Jimi collaborated with modern musical geniuses like Eddie Van Halen, the Foo Fighters and Blackpink on updated versions of their best songs.”

“So, dads,” Billie said as the cousins turned to their parents. “What choice picks did you bring today?”

Bill grinned as he pulled a record from behind his chair, drawing a groan from Billie and Thea.

“Dad,” Thea whined, “that’s a devious move.”

“What?” Bill asked, “I can’t recommend my favorite new artists?” Thea rolled her eyes and slouched back in her chair as Bill carried on. “I brought Preston/Logan’s self-titled first album. I’ve been listening to it on repeat since it came out, and I’m blown away by the talent and depth of knowledge displayed by these two young musicians.”

The cousins traded glances, smiling in spite of their embarrassment. But as Bill turned to Ted he found him sitting with his arms folded and lips pursed.

“What’s wrong dude?” Bill asked.

“I just wish you had told me you were making such a heartfelt pick,” Ted grumbled. “I brought _our_ record and now that feels totally stuck up.”

“Oh, no problem. We can just switch.”

“Whoa, good thinking dude!”

Bill and Ted traded albums, with Ted holding the Preston/Logan cover up to the camera proudly. Bill showed off the new Wyld Stallyns album with him, Ted and Death posed happily under the title, _Greatest Comeback of All Time_.

“Now, surprise surprise, the critics were a little less than receptive to our latest release,” said Bill.

Ted sighed and shook his head. “The Pitchfork score was most unwelcome.”

“ _But_ our new fans have been very encouraging,” Bill added. “And we believe that the triumphant return of Wyld Stallyns is one of our best albums.”

“Well Bill”-Ted nudged him-“we have two budding music experts right here. What did you dudes think?”

Billie and Thea slouched in their chairs, their eyes darting between each other, the camera, and their dads staring expectantly at them.

“Well…” Billie said, rubbing their chin thoughtfully.

“It was…” Thea trailed off.

“Historic?” Billie suggested.

“Definitely. And-”

“-a return to form for the Wyld Stallyns.”

“Right! Even if that form wasn’t especially…”

“It’s just great to have you dudes back in the spotlight,” Billie concluded. “After your years of hard work, you totally deserve it.”

Ted wiped a tear from his eye and Bill pressed a hand to his heart. “It’s most stirring to hear you two say that,” he told them.

“It’s majorly heartwarming,” Ted sniffed, “because you’re not just our kids anymore. You’re fellow musicians that we totally respect.”

Billie reached over to squeeze Ted’s hand while Thea fanned her eyes.

“Okay,” Thea said, “it’s time to sign off before we get totally mushy. You can follow me and Billie on Twitter and Instagram to see all our live show dates, but we’ll be headlining at the San Dimas Kennel Club’s Cat Show next weekend.”

“Dudes?” Billie asked with a glance at Bill and Ted.

The cousins’ eyes widened as Ted pulled a folded page marked on both sides with cramped handwriting from his jeans. “Our global comeback tour is coming up,” he told the camera, “and we’d be stoked to get some of Billie and Thea’s fans at our shows. We’ll be in…” Ted paused to put on a pair of reading glasses from his shirt pocket. “Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia on September third through-”

“Uncle Ted,” Thea interrupted, “don’t you dudes have a website?”

Bill chewed his lip and exchanged glances with Ted. “That’s been on our to-do list for a few decades,” he admitted.

“We’ve actually been meaning to ask you two about it,” Ted whispered to the cousins.

Thea clasped her hands and smiled at the camera. “We’ll put the dates in the video description so be sure to scroll down and check them out.”

“Excellent,” Bill and Ted mumbled in unison as Ted folded his page of notes.

“We’ll be back next week with our special guest, Nobel Laureate Kid Cudi,” Billie teased.

“And the story of our encounter with two majorly un-woke androids of ourselves from the future,” Thea added.

“Until then, be sure to like, subscribe, follow and be excellent to each other in the comments section.”

All four of them set a hand on their chests, raising their other arm with huge smiles.

“ _And party on, dudes_!” they cheered together.

**Author's Note:**

> I thrive on feedback - good or bad - so if you made it this far I'd love to hear what you thought.


End file.
